i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
