I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Two words: blizzard sex
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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