how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
