Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
