Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
