how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
