At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize