It's Friday. Sex?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
