That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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