This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
