so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
