What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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