I feel great
I just peed on a car
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
