If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
