dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
