just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
