During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
