the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
