remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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