My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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