Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
