Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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