Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize