I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
