My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
