why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
