Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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