I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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