Sry I called you an 8
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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