I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
