hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize