I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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