no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
