Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Damn victory sex feels great
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
