Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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