that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
