End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
