You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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