she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
