I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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