and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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