There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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