I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
