Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
