the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
