My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
