hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
