Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
