i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
