there's paper in my vomit.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
