Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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