You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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