her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
