He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
