He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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