Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's great music for shaving your balls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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