Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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