they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
