i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
