hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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