I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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