This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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