When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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