i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
