the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
