I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize