I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
