But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
