Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize