Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
