1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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