Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
