He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
