OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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