Someone shit on the floor
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize