Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
