Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
