He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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