A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
