I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
