my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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