so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
