soooo we both peed the bed last night...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
