Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
