I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize