you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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