I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
