**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
