i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
