So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
