Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
