you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just google imaged poop.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
