We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
