I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
