God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
